One day a guy dies and finds himself in Hell. As he is wallowing in despair, he has his first meeting with a demon...

Demon: Why so glum?

Guy: What do you think? I'm in hell!

Demon: Hell's not so bad. We actually have a lot of fun down here. You a drinking man?

Guy: Sure, I love to drink.

Demon: Well, you're gonna love Mondays, then. On Mondays that's all we do -- drink. Whiskey, tequila, Guinness, wine coolers, Diet Tab and Fresca... we drink till we throw up, and then we drink some more!

Guy: Gee, that sounds great!

Demon: You a smoker?

Guy: You better believe it!

Demon: All right! You're gonna love Tuesdays. We get the finest cigars from all over the world and smoke our lungs out. If you get cancer -- no biggie -- you're already dead, remember?

Guy: Wow... that's awesome!

Demon: I bet you like to gamble.

Guy: Why, yes, as a matter of fact, I do.

Demon: 'Cause Wednesdays you can gamble all you want. Craps, Blackjack, Roulette, Poker, Slots, whatever. If you go bankrupt... well, you're dead anyhow. ... What about Drugs?

Guy: Are you kidding? Love drugs! You don't mean...

Demon: That's right! Thursday is drug day. Help yourself to a great big bowl of crack, or smack. Smoke a doobie the size of a submarine. You can do all the drugs you want -- you're dead; who cares?

Guy: WOW! I never realized Hell was such a cool place!

Demon: You gay?

Guy: No...

Demon: Ooooh (grimaces). You're gonna hate Fridays.