The Best Curse-Free Insults

1. I don't care what people say about you; you're alright.
2. I have neither the time nor the crayons to explain it to you.
3. I can explain it to you, but I can't understand it for you.
4. Your family tree must be a circle.
5. You couldn't pour the water out of a boot if the instructions were written on the heel.
6. You're not pretty enough to be this stupid.
7. If you're about to insult a woman, tell her to go fix her eyebrows.
8. Everyone who's ever loved you was wrong.
9. Somewhere out there, a tree is working very hard to replace the oxygen you consume. Now go apologize to it.
10. You do realize that people just tolerate you?
11. Do you get invited to many parties?
12. I've been called worse things by better people.
13. I would agree with you, but then we'd both be wrong.
14. Yo mamma is so ugly, her portraits hang themselves.
15. You're as bright as a black hole, and twice as dense.
16. This is why people talk about you when you're not around.
17. 2090 called. You're dead and you wasted your time on earth.