Things never to say to a woman when you're fighting:

1. "Don't you have some laundry to do or something?"
2. "No, really... I was laughing about a joke I heard one time."
3. "Ohh, you are so cute when you get all pissed off."
4. "You're just upset because your ass is beginning to spread."
5. "Wait a minute... I get it. What time of the month is it?
6. "Are you gonna cry?" (force lip to quiver mockingly)
7. "You sure you don't want to consult the great Oprah on this one?"
8. "Sorry. I was just picturing you naked."
9. "Whoa, time out honey. Friends is on."
10. "Looks like someone had an extra bowl of Bitch Flakes this morning."
11. "Is there any way we can do this via e-mail?"
12. "Who are you kidding? We both know that thing ain't loaded."