cop jokes
This guy is flying down the road and he comes over a bridge. Sure enough, a cop with a radar gun is sitting on the other side of the bridge and pulls him over. The cop walks up to the guy's car and asks, "What's the hurry?" The guy says, "I'm late for work." "What do you do?" The guy responds, "Well, I'm a rectum stretcher." The cop says, "What? A rectum stretcher?" The guy says, "Yeah. I start with a finger, then work my way up to two fingers... eventually I get a hand in, then both hands, and I slowly stretch it until it's about six feet wide." The cop asks, "What do you do with a six-foot asshole?" "Well, you give him a radar gun and park him at the end of a bridge."
Cop pulls a guy over for weaving in and out of traffic very erratically. He approaches the car and politely asks the man behind the wheel, "Have you been drinking? Your eyes look bloodshot..." The man stumbles out of the car and when he gets eye to eye with the officer, he looks at him and says, "No, but have you been eating donuts? Your eyes look kind of glazed..."
A woman was driving down the highway about 75 miles per hour, when she noticed a motorcycle policeman following her. Instead of slowing down, she picked up speed.
When she looked back again, their were two motorcycles following her. She shot up to 90 miles per hour. The next time she looked around, there were three cops following her.
Suddenly, she spotted a gas station looming ahead. She screeched to a stop and ran into the ladies' room. Ten minutes later, she innocently walked out.
The three cops were standing there waiting for her. Without batting an eye, she said coyly, "I'll bet none of you thought I would make it."