The people who are starting college this fall across the nation were born in 1980. They have no meaningful recollection of the Reagan era and did not know he had ever been shot. They were prepubescent when the Persian Gulf War was waged. Black Monday 1987 is as significant to them as the Great Depression. There has only been one Pope. They can only really remember one President. They were 11 when the Soviet Union broke apart, and do not remember the Cold War. They have never feared a nuclear war. "The Day After" is a pill to them, not a movie. CCCP is just a bunch of letters. They have only known one Germany. They are too young to remember the space shuttle blowing up, and Chernobyl and Tienamin Square mean nothing to them. They do not know who Momar Qadafi is. Their lifetime has always included AIDS. They never had a Polio shot, and likely do not know what it is. Bottle caps have not only always been screw off, but have always been plastic. They have no idea what a pull top can looks like. Atari pre-dates them, as do vinyl albums. They do not understand when you call a CD an LP or EP, and if you call a CD a 7" or 12", they reply, "No, they're all 5 inches." The expression, "You sound like a broken record," means nothing to them. They have never owned a record player. They have likely never played Pac Man, and have never heard of Pong. Star Wars looks very fake and the special effects are pathetic, but computer animation looks "real". There have always been red M&M's, and blue ones are not new. What do you mean, there used to be beige ones?
They may have heard of an 8-track, but chances are they probably have never actually seen or heard one. The Compact Disc was introduced when they were 1 year old. As far as they know, stamps have always cost about 32 cents. ZIP codes have always had a dash in them. They have always had an answering machine. Most have never seen a TV set with only 13 channels, nor have they seen a black and white TV. They have always had cable. There have always been VCR's, but they have no idea what Beta is. They cannot fathom not having a remote control. They were born the year that the Walkman was introduced by Sony. Roller-skating has always meant inline for them.
They have never heard of King Cola, Burger Chef, The Globe Democrat, or Pan Am or Ozark Airlines. The Tonight Show has always been with Jay Leno. They have no idea when or why Jordache jeans were cool. Popcorn has always been cooked in a microwave. They have never seen and can't remember a game that included the St. Louis Football Cardinals, the Baltimore Colts, the Minnesota North Stars, the Kansas City Kings, the New Orleans Jazz, The Minnesota Lakers, The Atlanta Flames, or the Denver Rockies (NHL hockey, that is). They do not consider the Colorado Rockies, the Florida Marlins, The Florida Panthers, The Ottawa Senators, the San Jose Sharks, or the Tampa Bay Lightning "expansion teams". They have never seen Larry Bird play, and Kareem Abdul-Jabbar is a football player. They never took a swim and thought about Jaws. The Vietnam War is as ancient history to them as WWI, WWII, or even the Civil War. They have no idea that Americans were ever held hostage in Iran. They can't imagine what hard contact lenses are.
They don't know who Mork was or where he was from. They never heard the terms, "Where's the beef?", "I'd Walk a mile for Camel", or "De plane, de plane!". They do not care who shot J.R. or have any idea who J.R. is. The Cosby Show, The Facts of Life, Silver Spoons, The Love Boat, Miami Vice, WKRP in Cincinnati, and Taxi are shows they have likely never seen. The Titanic was found? I thought we always knew where it was. Michael Jackson has always been white. They cannot remember the Cardinals ever winning a World Series, or even being in one. Kansas, Chicago, Boston, Asia, America, Alabama, and Europe are places, not groups. What was so shocking about Boy George? The Beastie Boys are known for "Sabotage", not "You Gotta Fight…"; Aerosmith is the group that did "Crazy", not "Dream On"; and Madonna sang "Take a Bow," not "Like a Virgin" or even "Like a Prayer". (She was in a movie before "Evita"?) McDonald's never came in styrofoam containers. They never saw "The Simpsons" on "The Tracey Ullman Show".
Do you feel old now? Remember, the people who don't know these things will be in college this year.
An excerpt from Beloit College's Mindset List for the Class of 2010:
Members of the class of 2010, entering colleges and universities this fall, were mostly born in 1988. For them:
If you can identify with at least half of this list, then you, my friend, are a "Child of the '80s":
From: aurienne@access.digex.net (Aurienne) URL: http://www.netfunny.com/rhf/jokes/96/Nov/eighties.html
[Note - unattributed, making the rounds - ed.]
you have deep, personal relationships via computers with people you've never met in real life before
the phrase "going courting", to you, means fighting an unjust traffic ticket or playing tennis
you know, by heart, the words to any "Weird" Al Yankovic song
not that you'd do it personally, but body piercing captivates your attention
you remember the days when cocaine was just fine in powder form, thankyouverymuch
you think the "the Gay 90's" refers to this decade, and people's sexual orientation
the Brady Bunch movie brought back cool memories
you remember the first time "Space: Above and Beyond" aired - it was called "Battlestar Galactica"
songs by Debbie Gibson still haunt you to this day
Three words: "Atari" "IntelliVision" and "Coleco". Sound familiar?
you remember the days that hooking your computer into your television wasn't an expensive option that required gadgets - it was the ONLY WAY to use your computer!
you remember the days when "safe sex" meant "my parents are gone for the weekend"
you remember "Friday Night Videos" before the days of MTV
you ever owned a pair of "Pop-Wheels" - that handy little combination of shoe and roller skate that lasted about a year on the open market
a predominant color in your childhood photos is "plaid"
you're pissed that you couldn't really participate in the '60s, pissed that you were a part of the '70s, think you wasted too much time doing stupid, meaningless things in the '80s, and still have no clue what the '90s are all about
you see teenagers today wearing clothes that show up in those childhood photos, and they still look bad
while in high school, you and all your friends discussed elaborate plans to get together again at the end of the century and play "1999" by Prince over and over again
you remember when music that was labeled "alternative" really was
one of the top five questions you've always wanted answered was to Robert Smith of the Cure - "What WAS that head on the door thing anyway?"
you were shocked and horrified at the Challenger explosion (which you were probably watching in school at the time), and yet, when someone mentions the name "JFK", the first thing you think of is "Oliver Stone"
you, yes you, sat down and memorized the entire lyric sheet to "It's The End Of The World As We Know It"
you can't remember when the word "networking" didn't have a computer connotation to it as well
you took family trips BEFORE the invention of the mini-van: you rode in the back of the station wagon and you faced the cars behind you
you knew all the words to Billy Joel's "We Didn't Start the Fire", but it really didn't hold any meaning for you until about the third verse
you've ever conversationally used the phrase "Jane, you ignorant slut"
you watched HR Puffenstuff as a child, but now that you're older, you really understand that it would have been much better had you known about drugs at the time
you can't remember a time when "going out for coffee" DIDN'T involve 49,000 selections to choose from
Schoolhouse Rock played a HUGE part in how you actually learned the English language
kids that work in restaurants and supermarkets are starting to piss you off by calling you "sir" or "ma'am"
you're starting to view getting carded to buy alcohol as a GOOD thing, and you're ready to marry the next person who cards you when you want to buy cigarettes
flashback: it was your first chance to vote in a presidential election, and you were SO disappointed because, just for laughs, you really wanted to vote for Gary Hart
the first time you heard the candidates names, you were pumped because you thought MICHAEL Jackson was running for President, not this Jesse character
you ever dressed to emulate a person you saw in either a Duran Duran, Madonna, or Cyndi Lauper video
at one point during your teenage years, you walked with a noticeable tilt to one side due to the number of plastic rings on that arm
"Celebration" by Kool & the Gang was one of the hot new songs when you first heard it at a school dance
the first time you ever kissed someone at a dance fell during "Crazy for You" by Madonna
there were at least three people in your school that voluntarily went by the names of "Skip" "Buffy" "Muffy" or "Dexter"
you ever owned one of those embarrassing crimping irons
you used to hold in your head the thought that all those gold chains on Mr. T actually looked kinda cool and the thought that Mr. T made millions seemed rational to you at the time
you remember with pain the sad day when the Green Machine hit the streets and made your old big wheel quite obsolete
the phrase "Where's the beef?" still doubles you over with laughter
you read the "Hot Video Games Player's Secrets" guide for Mortal Kombat just so you could find the hidden screen, and play Pong again for old time's sake
honestly remember when film critics raved that no movie could ever possibly get better special effects than those in the movie TRON
you ever had nightmares about the giant red evil robot Maximillian from the Disney movie "The Black Hole" and those blender attachments he had for hands
you were convinced for years that Batman was a mildly overweight man with a moderate beer belly who wore his underwear outside of his clothes and talked strangely
(guys) your first wet dream occurred to thoughts of Jeannie, Marsha Brady, Samantha from Bewitched or, for those hardcore comic fans out there, Daphne from Scooby Doo, Josie or any one of her Pussycats
(girls) you thought Sean Cassidy was "dreamy", lusted after "Ted, your ship's photographer" on the Love Boat and Chachi, or, to keep it fair to the comically interested, thought Fred was just a hunk on Scooby Doo
you're still occasionally suffering flashbacks from your 21st birthday party
you're starting to dread your 30th birthday, and have even begun going into denial about its possibility
you've ever said, "I'm a vegetarian," and immediately had someone call you a hypocrite by saying, "Nice leather jacket you have there… and gee, is that a suede bag… those shoes leather, too?"
you're starting to believe that maybe 30 isn't so old after all, and it's those people over 40 you have to look out for
you freaked out when you found that you now fall into the "26 - 50" age category on most questionnaires
you have begun to lust after women (or men) that it would be socially inappropriate for you to date due to their age
your hair, at some point in time in the '80s, became something which can only be described by the phrase "I was experimenting"
this timeline appropriately describes actual events in your life: Star Wars opens, you are still in single digit ages, and you think the creatures are WAY cool. Empire Strikes Back opens, you are now in early double digit ages, and you are convinced that the special effects are much better, the characters are cool, and you want one of every collectible out there. Return of the Jedi hits the theaters… you are now a teenager, and you cannot get your eyes off Princess Leia's breasts or Han Solo's butt. You fantasize forever and ever about it, and send off to join every fan club for them on the planet, hanging posters, photos, and "teen"-type magazine spreads all over your walls and lockers at school.
you remember when the phrase "candy is dandy, but sex won't rot your teeth" started getting followed by "yeah, but M&M's won't give you AIDS…"
you've ever shopped at a Banana Republic or Benetton, but not in the last five years, okay?
you can't remember a time when "hitting the outlet stores" didn't mean going to an electrical warehouse
you're starting to believe (now that it wouldn't affect YOU) that maybe having the kids go to school year-round wouldn't be such a bad idea after all
you're doing absolutely nothing with anything pertaining to your major degree
you won't walk into the place where you once knew every bartender on a first name basis because "there's too many kids there"
going to keg parties no longer involves hiding out in the woods when the cops show up
you want to go out dancing, you really, REALLY do, but your back hurts, sorry
you're starting to think that Corvettes really look good, and aren't REALLY for guy's going through a mid-life crisis and worried about their penis -- That's not YOU.
you're starting to get that "why aren't you married yet" shpiel, not just from parents, but now from friends that are married
you've recently horrified yourself by groaning as you get out of bed, not because of a hangover, but because it genuinely just hurt to do so
you're finding that you just don't understand more than half the lingo used on MTV any more
(mostly guys on this one) sex is still as much fun as it used to be, and you're still really interested in it, but you just want to make sure there's nothing really good on cable that you'd be missing first
you ever wanted to be gagged with a spoon
U2 is too "popular" and "mainstream" for you now
you ever used the phrase "kiss mah grits" in conversation
when somone mentions two consecutive days of the week, the Happy Days theme is stuck in your head for hours on end
you remember trying to guess the episode of the Brady Bunch from the first scene
you ever used the phrase "don't make me angry… you wouldn't LIKE me when I'm angry" when trying to frighten someone off
you spent endless nights dreaming about being the Bionic Woman or Wonder Woman or the Six Million Dollar Man
you had ringside seats for Luke and Laura's wedding (on General Hospital)
you remember "Hey, let's be careful out there"
your parents wanted you to attend medical school, but you decided it was pointless since Quincy got all the babes, anyway
you know who shot J.R.
this rings a bell: "and my name, is Charlie. They work for me."
I was working part time in a five and dime. My boss was Mr. Magee. He was six foot four and full of muscles and walked like an Egyptian, but I was happy to be stuck with him. One manic Monday, while I was busy working for the weekend, I overheard him make a careless whisper.
He told two of my co-workers, Jack and Diane, that I gave love a bad name. Well, I got so emotional, baby. I told him to say say say what he wants, but don't play games with my affection. He told me it was hard for him to say he's sorry and not to worry, to be happy. Then he blamed it on the rain. He was so out of touch. It just took my breath away. I couldn't fight this feeling any longer. I asked him, "What's love got to do with it?" He told me to get outta his store and his dreams and into my car.
So I figured I might as well jump. I cut footloose, went home and called my girl, Jenny. (You already know the number.) She was on the other line with Amanda. They were talking about Mickey and how he was so fine. That blew my mind! Was she really going out with him? I told her that I had just called to say I love her. She told me she had been saving all her love for me, but now she was looking for a new love - asta la vista, baby. I thought "I can't go for that - no can do! Bring me a higher love!" I called up some of my old west end girls, hoping that one of them would want to get physical all night long (all night). First I called Billie Jean - she told me to beat it. I called Rosanna - her sister Christian blessed the rains down in Africa and then hung up on me. Come on, Eileen! … no answer. Nobody told me there'd be days like these! I was feeling like the owner of a lonely heart.
Then, out of the blue, my best friend's girlfriend (she used to be mine) Roxanne calls. Yes, the real Roxanne. She told me she still hadn't found what she's looking for and that she wanted to take on me. I said "I thought you were Jessie's girl." She said, "Don't you want me? You don't have to put on the red light - I'm on my own." What a feeling! I had the eye of the tiger. Who was I f-f-f-foolin? Roxanne drove me crazy like no one else. She's a beauty! She blinded me with science, and weird science at that. There was always something there to remind me of her and I just knew that I'd have the time of my life.
I wasn't about to la-di-da-di. I jumped in my little red Corvette and rocked down to Electric Avenue. I got my mind set on her. When I got to her house (in the middle of her street) I ran. I rapped on her front door and to this rapper's delight, I heard a voice say, "Who can it be now?" "Here I am, the one that you love," I replied. I let my love open the door and was immediately lost in her eyes. I felt like a virgin touched for the very first time. She loosened her blouse and said, "Rock me Amadeus!" Well, I felt it was my prerogative to bust a move. I told her, "I'll tumble for ya!" as I pinned her on the stairs, hungry like the wolf.
Just then I felt an invisible touch on my shoulder. "Turn around bright eyes!" said a familiar voice. As I did, Jessie hit me with a sledgehammer of an uppercut that spun me right round like a record. He was hangin' tough and continued to roll with it, knocking the wind from beneath my wings - broken wings by this time. He rocked me tonight, for old time's sake, beating me from head to toe, until my true colors were black and blue and blood was spilling from my mouth like red, red wine. "You don't owe me money for nothing!" he snarled. At this point I was livin' on a prayer. I crawled back to my little red Corvette and drove home thinking about how my tainted love had cut like a knife -- how it seems that every rose, truly, has its thorn. No longer do I want to know what love is. Love stinks.