The Shotgun Rules

The rules listed below apply to the calling of Shotgun (the passenger seat) in an automobile. These rules are definitive and binding.

Section I
The Basic Rules

  1. In order to call Shotgun, the caller must pronounce the word "Shotgun" long as the driver verifies the call.
  2. Shotgun may only be called if all occupants of the vehicle are outside and on the way to said vehicle.
  3. Early calls are strictly prohibited. Shotgun may only be called while walking toward the vehicle and only applies to the drive immediantly forthcoming. Shotgun can never be called while inside a vehicle or still technically on the way to the first location. For example, one can not get out of a vehicle and call Shotgun for the return journey.
  4. The driver has final say in all ties and disputes. The driver has the right to suspend or remove all shotgun priviledges from one or more persons.

Section II
Special Cases

These special exceptions to the rules above should be considered in the order presented; the case listed first will take precendence over any of the cases beneath it, when applicable.

  1. In the instance that the normal driver of a vehicle is drunk or otherwise unable to perform their duties as driver, then he/she is automatically given Shotgun.
  2. If the instance that the person who actually owns the vehicle is not driving, then he/she is automatically given Shotgun, unless they decline.
  3. In the instance the the driver's spouse, lover, partner, or hired prostitute for the evening is going to accompany the group, he/she is automatically given Shotgun, unless they decline.
  4. In the instance that one of the passengers may become so ill during the course of the journey that the other occupants feel he/she will toss their cookies, then the ill person should be given Shotgun to make appropriate use of the window.
  5. In the instance that only one person knows how to get to a given location and this person is not the driver, then as the designated navigator for the group they automatically get Shotgun, unless they decline.
  6. In the instance that one of the occupants is too wide or tall to fit comfortably in the back seat, then the driver may show mercy and award Shotgun to the genetic misfit. Alternatively, the driver and other passengers may continually taunt the poor fellow as they make a three hour trip with him crammed in the back.

Section III
The Bastard Rules *

  1. If the driver so wishes, he/she may institute the Bastard Rules on the process of calling Shotgun. In this case all rules, excepting 1.4, are suspended and the passenger seat is occupied by whoever can take it by force.
  2. The driver must announce the institution of the Bastard Rules with reasonable warning to all passengers. This clause reduces the amount of blood lost by passengers and the damage done to the vehicle.

* Please follow the above rules to the best of your ability. If there are any arguments or execptions not covered in these rules, please refer to rule 1.4.

SHOTGUN -- alternate rules

Terminology:
Shotgun -
The rightmost front passenger seat in a vehicle, a prime choice for any passenger, since it is the most comfortable seat, and also because of the psychological advantage of not being forced to subserviently look at the back of another person's head during a trip.
Enthronement -
The physical presence of a person in the Shotgun position.
Bylaws:
Vehicle Ownership:
The owner of a vehicle, if he/she isn't driving, always gets Shotgun in that vehicle. It is their car, it is their seat and they get it. This is a real bonus for an owner who is falling down drunk. They can rest assured Shotgun is rightfully theirs. They won't have to worry about concentrating through an alcohol-induced haze simply to remember to call Shotgun in their own hard-earned car. Once proper Shotgun "enthronement" rights have been established, they may also be surrendered. If the owner of the vehicle is eligible for Shotgun, but wants to sleep it off in the back seat, then they may give up Shotgun to a person of their choice. The vehicle owner is also the ultimate judge in any Shotgun disputes. Their word is law, and all passengers must defer to the owner's interpretation of Shotgun law. Arbitration should be swift and final, so that everyone can be on their way. If the owner is going to stray from the Shotgun Constitution, they must have a good reason for doing so. If the owner is not eligible for Shotgun, any passenger can call Shotgun, but only under the proper conditions.
Legal Conditions for Calling Shotgun:
Shotgun can only be called when the driver is en route to the vehicle for the purpose of driving immediately, and the Shotgun position is vacant. Shotgun cannot be called upon arrival, only upon departure. For example, a group of travelers may arrive at a restaurant and get out of the car for a meal. Some bone-head might try calling Shotgun immediately for the subsequent ride home, but that is not appropriate. If this kind of precedent were allowed, it would let anyone call Shotgun "futures" for potential rides into eternity. Only after finishing the meal, when the driver picks up the car keys, is a Shotgun call allowed. Jingling keys is a very strong sign of an En-route condition. If the driver says, "Let's go," that also can be reasonably construed as En-route. Most En-route conditions mean that driving will take place within a few minutes, but not always. If the driver of a car turns around on a three hour trail ride, and says, "Let's go home," then an en-route condition exists and Shotgun may be called immediately.
Forcible Dethronement (a.k.a. Physical Challenge):
There are some people in this world that always remember to call Shotgun. Although this is an admirable trait at first, it quickly grows old. These people tend to be real weenies, and if they knew better, would sometimes let someone else call shotgun just to be a little more diplomatic. The purpose of the Shotgun Constitution is to provide for a peaceful, fair method of getting to ride Shotgun. Unfortunately, if an introverted nerd consistently calls Shotgun ad nauseum, there must be accommodations for that person to be forcibly removed from the seat. Thus the Forcible Dethronement policy. This allows one other passenger (usually larger in stature) to declare "Physical Challenge!" and pull, push, or otherwise eject the previous Shotgun participant from the seat. Although frowned upon if used regularly, this physical challenge is a legitimate means of wresting Shotgun control away from the legal party. Any physical tactics short of grievous bodily injury are employable.
The Dick Clause
Though not a formal by-law of the Constitution, the Dick Clause is a necessary refinement in semantics. Just because the driver's girlfriend, boyfriend, wife, or whoever happens to be in the car, that Significant Other does not get Shotgun by default. Anyone else can legally call Shotgun and force the Significant Other to ride in the back. But then of course that would mean that person is a Dick.