Minnesota "Body" digest

Below find the Governor "The Body" Digest. This started out as a general U.S. election digest, but it seems there was only one aspect of the election that people wanted to joke about. For non-Americans, the state of Minnesota just elected former professional wrestler, actor, and Navy SEAL Jesse "The Body" Ventura as that state's Governor. These are jokes which are funny, but which didn't really warrant posting separately. I post such a digest whenever I have enough entries to warrant it. Particularly selective readers will probably not enjoy the digests, and may want to killfile RHF jokes with "Digest" in the title - ed.

From: reznick@math.uiuc.edu (Bruce Reznick) Subject: Campaign support

It turns out that the biggest contributors to the winning Minnesota gubenatorial campaign of Jesse "The Body" Ventura were the writing staffs for Jay Leno, David Letterman and Conan O'Brien.

From: cradock@ssc.wisc.edu (Bob Cradock) Subject: Putting the "goober" in gubernatorial

Former professional wrestler Jesse "The Body" Ventura won the governor's race in Minnesota.

I can see next October's news now:

(AP) In the traditional World Series wager, New York Gov. Pataki will send a bushel of bagels if the Mets lose. If the Minnesota Twins lose, his counterpart Gov. Ventura will personally deliver Pataki a king-size can of whup-ass.

From: ronnen@eden.lbl.gov (Ronnen Levinson) Subject: Newt's Career Path [original]

Newt Gingrich needs a new line of work.

Fortunately, there should be a recent opening in the world of professional wrestling.

From: sacraver@EE.Princeton.EDU (Scott Craver) Subject: Gov. "The Body" Ventura

I have a standard response to anyone who rants about Jesse "that pro-wrestler guy" Ventura being elected governor of Minnesota. Whenever someone starts screaming about how this election means that Americans are stupid and that the end of the world is nigh, I flash him/her a look of surprise and concern and quietly exclaim: "um, dude, politics is fake."

From: bmoses@stanford.edu (Brooks Moses) Subject: Jesse Ventura's campaign promises

This came by way of a friend of mine, Chris Bucholtz, and I'm presenting it with his permission:

Jesse Ventura's campaign promises:

Lower unemployment
Lessen the tax burden of the average citizen
Deliver a lesson in pain to Wisconsin, making that state wish it had never direspected its common border, delivering blow after blow is a lesson in cruelty the likes of which has yet to be seen. You know your time is coming, Wisconsin! Wisconsin will beg for mercy, McMahon, and Wisconsin's cries are going to be loud and sad, like the pitiful, pathetic state it is! Don't think Minnesota has forgotten about the folding chair that night in Madison -- oh no. That's gonna be repaid, McMahon, repaid a thousandfold in a feverish hurricane of flying fists and body blows! Michigan and the Dakotas had better watch themselves, because once Wisconsin goes down, Minnesota's gonna be looking for them, too! Mark my words, McMahon -- it's gonna be a Minnesota midwestern massacre, and Wisconsin can start cowering and trying to hide now. But Minnesota knows where you are, Wisconsin! Minnesota knows where to find you! You ain't getting away this time. You're too big to hide, and Minnesota's gonna fight you until there's only one state standing! Like I always say, McMahon -- win if you can, lose if you must, but always CHEAT!
Cut down on crime.