French jokes

Q: How do you confuse a French soldier?
A: Give him a rifle and ask him to shoot it.

Q: What's the motto of the French Army?
A: "Stop, drop, and run!"

Q. Why don't Master Card and Visa work well in France
A. They do not know how to say, "CHARGE!"

Q: Where do you find 60 million French jokes?
A: In France.

Q: How do you recognize a nude French soldier?
A: Sunburned armpits.

Q: What does the new French flag look like?
A: A white cross emblazoned on a white background.

Q: What English word has no equivalent in the French language?
A: "Gratitude."

Q: What's the difference between toast and Frenchmen?
A: You can make soldiers out of toast!

Q: What do you call a Frenchman advancing into a warzone?
A: A salesman.

France has neither winter nor summer nor morals.
-- Mark Twain

France has usually been governed by prostitutes.
--Mark Twain

"I would rather have a German division in front of me than a French one behind me."
-- General George S. Patton, showing why America did so well in World War II

Some sickening but true information:
In French "history" books, D-day isn't mentioned at all. And in the 60th anniversary commemorative booklet, there was only a brief mention of the Allies on page 18, and no mention whatsoever of the Americans!

"During one of the many wars that the French and the British fought and the French usually lost, the French happened to capture a British major. An officer brought the major to the French general for interrogation. The French general began ridiculing the major for wearing "that stupid red tunic." The French general said, "Why do you wear that red uniform? It makes it easy for us to shoot you!"

The British major replied, "If I do get wounded, the blood will not show, and my soldiers will not get scared."

The French general said, "That is a very good idea," then turned to his orderly and said, "From now on, all French officers will wear brown trousers."

An Englishman was rowing a boat down a river and singing, "Rule Britannia". He had sung the first line, "When Britain first at heaven's command ...", when some aliens saw him.

The aliens decided to conduct an experiment, so they removed half his brain, and put him back into his boat. To their astonishment, he continued to sing, "When Britain first at heaven's command...".

So, to continue their experiment, they removed half of the remainder of his brain, so he had a quarter of his brain left. They were further astonished when the man continued to sing, "When Britain first at heaven's command..."

After discussing further, they removed the final part of his brain and put him back in his boat. He continued to sing, "Allouetta, chantez allouetta ..."