Clinton and Dr. Suess

If Dr. Seuss had been President Clinton's lawyer, his deposition might have read something like this:

I did not do it in a car; I did not do it in a bar

I did not do it in the dark; I did not do it in the park

I did not do it on a date; I did not ever fornicate

I did not do it at a dance; I did not do it in her pants

I did not get beyond first base; I did not do it in her face

I never did it in a bed; If you think that, you've been misled

I did not do it with a groan; I did not do it on the phone

I did not cause her dress to stain; While talking to Saddam Hussein

I did not do it with a whip; I did not fondle Linda Tripp

I never acted really silly; With volunteers like Kathleen Willey

There was one time, with Margaret Thatcher; I chased her round, but could not catch her

No kinky stuff, not on your life; I would not, could not, with my wife

Now, that Miss Flowers' tale of woes; Was paid for by my right-wing foes

And Paula Jones, and those State Troopers; Are just a bunch of party poopers

I did not ask my friends to lie; And then just hang them out to dry

I did not do it last November; And if I did, I don't remember

I did not do it in the hall; I could have, but I don't recall

There was no sex at Arlington; There was no sex on Air Force One

I might have copped a little feel; And then endeavored to conceal

But never did these things so lewd; At least not ever in the nude

These things to which I have confessed; They do not count if we stayed dressed

I never used that big cigar; You must believe me, Mr. Starr

I did not know this little sin; Would be retold on CNN

I broke some rules my mama taught me; I tried to hide, but now you've caught me

But I implore, I do beseech; Do not condemn, Do not impeach

I might have got a little tail; But never, ever did inhale