Two kindergarden girls were talking outside. One said, "You won't believe
what I saw on the patio yesterday -- a condom!" The second girl asked, "What's
a 'patio'?"
Q: What's meaner than a pit bull with AIDS?
A: The guy that gave it to him.
Q: What are the two biggest lies in Poland?
A: "The check is in your mouth" and "I won't come in the mail."
Q: What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should?
A: Stick his bill up his ass.
Q: How do you save an <ethnic> from drowning?
A: Take your foot off his head.
Q: What do you call a virgin on a waterbed?
A: A cherry float.
Q: What did the sign on the door of the whorehouse say?
A: Beat it -- we're closed.
Q: Why do walruses go to Tupperware parties?
A: To find a tight seal.
Q: What do you do with 365 used rubbers?
A: Melt them down, make a tire, and call it a Goodyear.
Q: What's the difference between sin and shame?
A: It is a sin to put it in, but it's a shame to pull it
out.
Q: What's the speed limit of sex?
A: 68; at 69 you have to turn around.
Q: What's the ultimate rejection?
A: When you're masturbating and your hand falls asleep.
Q: Why did Raggedy Ann get thrown out of the toy box?
A: She kept sitting on Pinocchio's face and moaning, "Lie to me, you little bastard!"
Q: Why is air a lot like sex?
A: Because it's no big deal unless you're not getting
any.
Q: If there is H2O on the inside of a fire hydrant, what is on the outside?
A: K9P
Q: What's another name for pickled bread?
A: Dill-dough
Q: Why did Frosty the Snowman pull down his pants?
A: He heard the snowblower coming.
Q: Why do doctors slap a newborn baby in the ass?
A: To knock the balls off the dumb ones.
In the Garden of Eden stood Adam,
With his hand on the ass of his madam.
He giggled with mirth,
For throughout the earth,
There were only two balls, and he had 'em!
Someone gave Andrew a spiked leather S/M collar (and a pair of
sexy black thong underwear) for his birthday, to which he responded, "This is
just my size! Now I need a matching one for my neck!"
-- Andrew Dumke
http://www.dsiegel.com/dine/
A little girl is talking to her mother and says, "Mommy, I just found out
our neighbor's son has a penis like a peanut!"
The mother is in shock, but tries to keep her cool. She says, "You mean
it's small?"
The little girl replies, "No, it's salty."
A female police officer arrests a man for drunk driving. The officer tells
the man, "Sir, you have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and
will be held against you."
The drunk replies, "Tits!"
I bellied up to the bar and ordered a double Jack and Coke. When I received
it I was so happy that I started jumping up a down and spilled it all over the
bar. Seems I suffer from premature Jack elation.
-- Steve Bacon
http://fecetious.com/