| In Fraternity | In English |
|---|---|
| Confrontation: | |
| "I'll kick your ass!" | "I'm gonna get about 20 of my frat buddies together and we're gonna wield bats and hope we can catch you asleep under a tree so we can beat you up!" |
| "I've never lost a fight." | "I've never been in a fight." |
| "I'm about to introduce you to a work of pain." | "I'm gonna pay a football player to beat you up." |
| "Surely we can talk this out like rational human beings." | "Not the face! Not the face!" |
| "I believe in a fair fight." | "We'll start the fight when my backup arrives." |
| Education: | |
| "By taking the initiative to go on to a university and further my education, I hope to broaden my horizons, open new eployment oppurtunities, and be a better person on the whole." | "I'm here for beer and sex, in no particular order." |
| Meeting Women: | |
| "Hello, may I buy you a drink?" | "How much alcohol does it take to get you in bed?" |
| "Would you like to dance?" | "Please give me a reason to touch you." |
| "I think men should be more responsive to the needs of women." | "It really pisses me off when chicks don't swallow." |
| "That's a very interesting name you have." | "That's a very interesting name you have. Of course, in five minutes, I'll be so absorbed by alcohol and staring at your chest that I won't remember it." |
| "Would you like to go back to my place?" | "Let's go back to my place, where I can paw at you, get slapped, and later brag to all my frat brothers about what an easy lay you were, destroying any chance at respectability you have." |
| "I'd like to get to know you better." | "Take off your bra." |
| Religion: | |
| "I respect Christianity. Jesus was a great man, full of love and patience. The hate he had to endure, and yet he still loved us all. He truly was the Son of God." | "Anyone who turns water to wine can't be all bad." |
| Sexual Situations & Relations: | |
| "I respect you for your decision of abstinence." | "Damn it, I paid for your dinner. Now put out!" |
| "Of course I'll respect you in the morning." | "Respect you in the morning? I can't even remember your name tonight!" |
| "I want you to know I don't do this with just anyone." | "Looks like I get another notch on the ol' belt. Three more and my frat pals throw a kegger in my honor." |
| "Despite our differences, I'm still willing to make a go at a relationship." | "You're ugly. I don't wanna look at you, just fuck you." |
| "I love you." | "God, I hope I wasn't stupid enough to give you my real phone number." |
| Social Issues: | |
| "I totally agree with your stance and am angered how my race has oppressed you for so long." | "Just because I can't make you sit at the back of the bus does not mean I have to like you." |
| "The plight of your people is truly an awe-inspiring tale." | "I hate you, [insert appropriate racial slur here]." |
| "I want you to know that despite our color differences, I think of you as a brother." | "Please don't mug me." |
| "Not enough people take birth control seriously." | "So what if it IS my kid? I don't see how it's my problem." |
| "But the problems with condoms is you still run the 20%+ chance of it rupturing during sex." | "No way in hell am I putting something that looks like a party balloon on my dick." |
| "Something needs to be done about the homeless problem in our country." | "Can't we shoot them or something?" |
| "It breaks my heart to think somewhere in the world, a small child will go to bed without his dinner again tonight." | "Better him than me." |
| In English | In Fraternity |
| Common Frat Vocabulary: | |
| Woman | Bitch |
| Holy Water | Beer |
| God | Beer |
| Someone who can help me get what I need, be there when I need to use them, and never asks for favors in return | Friend |
| Someone who can be in no way exploited | Asshole |
| Art school student (when in company of other frats) | Fairy |
| Art school student (when alone & surrounded by other art school students) | Master of the Visual Arts |
| Checking Account/Loan Officer | Daddy |
| Girlfriend | Guaranteed Sex |
| Janitor | Most probable post-college job |