I overslept.
I had a party Tuesday, so I couldn't make the test Tuesday.
My goldfish died.
I had 12 other finals that day, and could only study for 2.
I had to go to church.
I ran out of Thorazine, and the voices told me to miss the exam.
I am God. I don't have to take this test.
It was the same time as my sex therapy.
My boyfriend asked me to make him a second cup of coffee.
The grocery store was out of coffee.
There was no dexadrine on the streets.
I had to study.
You see, I set my watch two hours ahead of time, so I'd be there on time, but I didn't have time to get there.
My adolescence got the best of me.
I don't have the money to buy the book yet.
The lights were too bright.
The naked city was getting to me.
I had to go to confession.
My mother is a paraplegic, and I had to stay by the phone.
I was participating in a daytime sleep study.
The big guy on the corner beat me up.
What final?
You never told us we had to take tests.
I thought if you had a C you didn't have to take the final.
All my BICs ran out of ink.
My bike had a flat.
My grandmother died. (When?. 1974...)
Post-traumatic stress syndrome: I got orange juice all over my notes.
I dropped my book.
I lost my book.
What book?
My dog chewed up my notes.
I didn't know we were having a test that day.
My goat had kids.
My cat had puppies.
The guy in the third row has been making passes at me
I just got married.
I just got divorced.
The library was closed for fumigation.
I thought I dropped this class.
I am going to drop this course.
I missed two classes and couldn't get the notes.
I forgot today was Tuesday.
I forgot this month was May.
I forgot what year this is.
Is this finals week?
My computer was down.
I'm too depressed.
I woke up that day with a "personal illness."
I was visiting my parents in Zimbabwe.
My herpes was acting up.
I'm a conscientious objector.
Aw, shit.
I'm here to learn, not to make good grades.
Tests are a needless tool of this competative, capitalistic society.
Tests stiffle creativity.
I was in jail.
Tests are an artificial stratification of the learning process.
I don't have to prove to you that I know it.
Who are you to test me?
I believe in other ways of evaluating students' progress.
I'd rather take a make-up.
I have agraphia and need to take the test orally.
How can tests hope to measure the innate, intrinsic worth of a human person?
I was in a bar.
I was in an AA meeting.
My boyfriend (mother, father, aunt, dog) forgot to remind me.
The guy in the first row has been asking me if my beard tickles.
I had to wait at home for the cable operator to install HBO.
I was locked in the bathroom.
I got lost.
I was saved.
I decided to enter a nunnery.
I just discovered I'm hermaphroditic, and I'm having an identity crisis.
I just discovered my mother was a necrophiliac, and I'm having an identity crisis, but it's OK because she's dead
I just discovered my father was into bestiality, and I'm having an identity crisis.
Oh my God, I'm not having an identity crisis!
I died.
I've been here too long.