Here are some things that you would never hear a southerner say:

We don't keep firearms in this house.

You can't feed that to the dog!

I thought Graceland was tacky.

No kids in the back of the pickup. It's not safe.

Wreslin's fake.

Honey, did you mail that donation to Greenpeace?

We're vegetarians.

Do you think my hair is too big?

I'll have the grapefruit instead of biscuits and gravy.

Honey, these bonsai trees need watering.

Who's Richard Petty?

Give me the small bag of pork rinds.

Deer heads detract from the decor.

Spitting is such a nasty habit.

I just couldn't find a thing at WalMart today.

Trim the fat off that steak.

Cappuccino tastes better than espresso.

The tires on that truck are too big.

I'll have the arugula and radicchio salad.

I've got it all on a floppy disk.

Unsweetened tea tastes better.

Would you like your fish poached or broiled?

I've got two cases of Zima for the SuperBowl.

Little Debbie snack cakes have too many fat grams.

Checkmate.

Does the salad bar have beansprouts?

Hey, here's an episode of HEE HAW that we haven't seen!

I don't have a favorite college team.

I believe you cooked those green beans too long.

Be sure to bring my salad dressing on the side.