New Elements

Billclintintium (Be). With a slick appearance and slimy texture, this element undergoes a series of interesting changes when in hot water.

Limbaughium (Lb). The heaviest known element. Very white. Acidic. Emits heat but no light. Repels protons and electrons, but attracts morons.

Jjachsonium (Js). Constantly in motion. For some reason reacts drastically to law professors.

Newtiumn (Nt). Extreme irritant. Carries strong negative charge. Can be purchased cheaply. Does not possess magnetic properties.

Politicium (Po). Contains a great deal of gas. Similar to radon in that it can reach lethal concentrations.

Congress (Cg). Can never be found in solution.