You need a new car when...
- You pull over to let a fire truck go by, and it stops behind you.
- You have to go to a repair center every thousand miles to get the duct tape
replaced.
- You accidentally drive into a junkyard, drive out, and get accused of
stealing.
- The Blue Book lists your car under "Health Risk."
- The only thing holding your bumper on is the "Dukakis/Bentsen '88"
sticker.
- You return to your car and find someone broke in and left a hundred dollars
and a new stereo.
- Evel Kneivel refuses a free lift.
- The valet puts on a crash helmet and full-body armor before parking your
car.
- The guys at the repair shop refer you to Dr. Kevorkian.