You Know You're From Kansas When...

During a storm you check the cattle before you check the kids.

You are related to more than half the town.

You can tell the difference between a horse and a cow from a distance.

Your car breaks down outside of town and news of it gets back to town before you do.

Without thinking, you wave to all oncoming traffic.

You don't put too much effort into hairstyles due to wind and weather.

There's a tornado warning and the whole town is outside watching for it.

The local gas station sells live bait.

You don't buy all your vegetables at the grocery store.

You go to the State Fair for your family vacation.

You get up at 5:30 a.m. and go down to the coffee shop.

You're on a first name basis with the county sheriff.

When little smokies are something you serve on special occasions.

You have the number of the Co-op on speed dial.

All your radio preset buttons are country.

You try to find the cheapest room rates when going out of town.

Using the elevator involves a corn truck.

Your mayor is also your garbage hauler, barber, and insurance salesman.

You know you should listen to the weather forecast before picking out an outfit.

You call the wrong number and talk to the person for an hour anyway.

Your excuse for getting out of school is that the cows got out.

You know cow pies aren't made of beef.

You wake up when it's dark and go to bed when it's still light.

You listen to "Paul Harvey" every day at noon.

You can tell it's a farmer working late in his field and not a UFO.

Your nearest neighbor is in the next area code.

You know the difference between field corn and sweet corn when they are still on the stalk.

You know the code names for everyone on the CB.

You can eat an ear of corn with no utensils in under 20 seconds.

You wear your boots to church.

It takes 30 seconds to reach your destination and it's clear across town.

You can tell the smell of a skunk and the smell of feed lot apart.

The meaning of true love is that you'll ride in the tractor with him.

You go to Wal-Mart for your Saturday shopping.

You know what it's like as a child to sit and pray to the radio they'd announce your school had a heat day.

You know how to play Hit the Tumbleweed.

You get so proud when your plate is happy.

You know the difference in the pronunciations of the word Arkansas when speaking of the state or the river.

You know the difference in the pronunciation of the word El Dorado when speaking of the actual city or the mythical city.

You never have to ask the question, "What's a Jayhawk?"

Your main drag in town is two blocks long.

You get excited about gambling with the Indians.

You defend the beauty of being able to see the next town which is 20 miles away.

You've never met any celebrities.

Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor on the highway.

You've seen all the biggest bands ten years after they were popular.

You measure distance in minutes.

Down south to you means Arkansas.

You know several people who have hit a deer.

You have no problem spelling or pronouncing "Tonganoxie."

Your school classes were canceled because of cold.

Your school classes were canceled because of heat.

You've ridden the school bus for an hour each way.

You've ever had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day.

You think ethanol makes your truck "run a lot better."

You know what's knee-high by the Fourth of July.

Stores don't have bags, they have sacks.

You see people wear bib overalls at funerals.

You see a car running in the parking lot at the store with no one in it no matter what time of the year.

You end your sentences with an unnecessary preposition. Example: Where's my coat at?" or "If you go to the mall I wanna go with."

All the festivals across the state are named after a fruit, vegetable, or grain.

De-tassling was your first job.

Your idea of a really great tenderloin is when the meat is twice as big as the bun and accompanied only by ketchup and a dill pickle slice

You say catty-wumpus and kitty-corner.

You install security lights on your house and garage and leave both unlocked.

You think of the major four food groups as beef, pork, beer, and Jell-O salad with marshmallows.

When asked how your trip was to any foreign, exotic place, you say, "It was different."

You consider being called a "Pork Queen" an honor.

You carry jumper cables in your car.

You drink "pop."

You know what "cow tipping" is.