The Freshman's Folly

"The Freshman's Folly"

I'm talking really fast And I've gotta take a dump The coffee in my system Is making my heart pump But I've gotta pass that test There's deadlines I've gotta meet And I cannot take a rest Though I am completely beat

My eyes are open so wide That I cannot even blink And I've added cream and sugar To my Colombian drink Thank God it's pure and legal Sold at every corner store And when I do get tired I can always go get more

I'm starting to get sleepy Oh, please don't fail me now If I do not ace this midterm My mom will have a cow But my eyelids, they are drooping They've fallen pretty far So I'm eating instant coffee By the spoonful from the jar

I've had three pots of java, Pounds of chocolate covered beans For three whole days and three whole nights I've worn this pair of jeans But now I can't stop dozing off I am hallucinating With my ceramic animals Some smurfs are copulating

And lying in a pool of sweat I wake up with a fright In a state of such confusion Is it day or is it night Did I miss that midterm Is my term paper now late If I flunk out of college My dad will be irate

So I slip my shoes and socks on And run to the testing hall The door is locked, I'm out of luck I won't come back next Fall Oh God is this funny to you Is this some sort of lark Am I supposed to end up Living in a trailer park

What will I do, what will I do Oh woe, oh woe is me I cannot get a decent job Without a darn degree I'll end up sleeping on the street And drinking wino wine And that would be a horrid waste Of talent such as mine

Oh, maybe I can beg and plead To get just one more chance Look sad and cute and pitiful And wear some cleaner pants Mercy will be mine My professor won't deny it With student evals coming up I'd like to see him try it He'll have to give a make-up test And that one I will ace I'll walk in full of confidence A smile upon my face I'll study two whole days before The knowledge I will keep And I will kick such major butt...

If I don't fall asleep.