- Antidepressant:
- whatever is causing the unwarranted optimism about your dead end job
- Macho:
- someone who jogs home from a vasectomy
- Better:
- what we instantly feel when we realize our neighbor's problems are as bad
as our own
- Abash:
- a great office party
- Dysentary:
- what you get when dissent merges with commentary
- Anythingarian:
- a person who changes religions religiously
- Liberal:
- a church with four commandments and six suggestions
- Resumé:
- the closest any of us will ever come to perfection
- Date:
- an organized meeting with someone who has yet to realize their intense
dislike for you
- Stupidity:
- letting the child with stomach flu sleep on the top bunk
- Dilemma:
- trying to believe someone you normally trust when you know you would lie if
you were in their place
- Diet:
- a brief period of starvation followed by a gain of five pounds
- Job:
- a place where you work just hard enought to avoid getting fired while
getting paid just enough to avoid quitting
- Sabbatical:
- a Latin word meaning "I quit but you won't know it for sure for a
year"
- Irony:
- buying a suit with two pair of pants and then burning a hole in the
coat
- Insanity:
- driving forty minutes to a health club, then waiting thirty minutes to get
on a treadmill for twenty minutes
- Progress:
- what you get when each mistake is a new one
- Shopping:
- retail therapy
- Marriage:
- the process of finding out what type of person your spouse would
prefer