I heard that Microsoft is going to come out with a version of Windows for
the MacIntosh. I can imagine what the advertisements will be:
Are you tired of the user-friendliness of your MacIntosh? Then get
Microsoft Windows for MacIntosh, featuring limited on-line help and poor
documentation! Why settle for intuitive keyboard commands when you can have
confusing F-key combinations? But don't take our word for it--here are some
satisfied customers:
"I couldn't stand all the easy drag-and-click commands on my
MacIntosh. Now I can do everything with wordy commands that only work on one
file or directory at a time!"
-- Ralph Blernson, IBM user for 15 years
"I hated the 'automatic startup' files. Now, I can go back
to my AUTOEXEC.BAT file and pray I've got everything set up right! Plus,
MS-Windows even disabled the Find File command, so I can search all my
directories by hand to find those utilities I lost!"
-- Joey Boring, still using a VT-52
"What's with these 30-odd letter file names? I like
MS-Windows much better; it only lets me use eight characters! Thanks for
clearing up the confusion!"
-- Mark Rodgers, who thinks HP calculators are easy to
use
"By using the Memory Mismanagment(TM) utility, I can have my
computer ignore the 32 MB of RAM it's got and only see 640K of it! Just like
the good old days!"
-- Horace Kludge, using the "leading edge" of
technology on his WANG
"Multi-tasking? Who needs it? When I run a program, I want
it FINISHED before starting another one! And MS-Windows lets me do
that!"
-- Donald Hapershnalzik, still programming in
COBOL
"All those fonts on my MacIntosh keep confusing me. But
with MS-Windows there's only one! My word processor is much easier to use now
that I have no choice on the font!"
-- Larry Linkworm, still confused by his VCR
"MS-Windows even disabled the control panels! Once again,
my speaker is set at full volume, and I have no choice on how the displays
look! That gives me lots more time to run the limited programs that work under
Windows!"
-- Marty Halfgear, who is fascinated by bright and
shiny objects
And look at the other options available:
- Non-standard keyboard commands. It's much more fun to learn new commands
with each new program you get, right?
- Different system requirements for each program, requiring a reboot each
time!
- The "3.3" option, which forces you to partition your hard drive into 10MB
segments!
- Limited mouse support
Ms-Windows for MacIntosh. For De-Evolutionary people.
mackinnon@osse.nrl.navy.mil