How things would be different if Microsoft was headquartered in the South:

  1. Their #1 product would be Microsoft Winders.
  2. Instead of an hourglass icon you'd get an empty beer bottle.
  3. Occasionally you'd bring up a window that was covered with a Hefty bag and some duct tape.
  4. Instead of "Yes", "No", or "Cancel", dialog boxes would give you the choice of "Aww-right", "Naw", or "Git".
  5. Instead of "Ta-Da!", the opening sound would be Dueling Banjos.
  6. The "Recycle Bin" in Winders '95 would be an outhouse.
  7. Whenever you pulled up the sound player, you'd hear a drunk redneck yelling "Freebird!".
  8. Instead of "Start Me Up", the Winders '95 theme song would be "Achy-Breaky Heart".
  9. PowerPoint would be "PahrPawnt".
  10. Microsoft's programming tools would be "Vishul Basic" and "Vishul C++".
  11. Winders '95 logo would incorporate the Confederate Flag.
  12. Microsoft Word would be just that: one word.
  13. Instead of WWW servers, Microsoft would have KKK servers.
  14. Instead of the World Wide Web, it would be the World Wide Weber Grill.
  15. New shutdown WAV: "Y'all come back now!"
  16. Instead of VP, Microsoft bigshots would be called "Cuz".
  17. Hardware could be repaired using parts from an old Trans Am.
  18. Microsoft Office replaced with Micr'Sawft Henhouse.
  19. Four words: Daisy Duke Screen Saver.
  20. Well, the first thing you know, old Bill's a billionaire.
  21. Spreadsheet software would include examples to inventory dead cars in your front yard.
  22. Flight Simulator replaced by Tractor-Pull Simulator.
  23. Microsoft CEO: Billy Bob "Bubba" Gates.
  24. Redman plug'n'play interface.
  25. They could still use Ky-row as code name for next upgrade, but Albenny would be the one after that.
  26. Screen saver would be a kudzu vine which would consume your program manager.
  27. Instructions for use would include, "Mash the control key."
  28. "ParPawnt" would have a "Pond Scum" and a "Junk Yard" presentation template.
  29. One wrong turn while surfing the web would send you face to face with a 12 gauge shotgun.
  30. "This computer protected by Smith and Wesson Screen Saver."
  31. Directions to Corporate Headquarters: "Down the road a block or so."
  32. Microsoft Word includes a phonetic spell checker: "Hookt on foniks werkt 4 me!"