The Catholic Dictionary
- AMEN:
- The only part of a prayer that everyone knows.
- BULLETIN:
- Parish information, read only during the homily.
- Catholic air conditioning.
- Your receipt for attending Mass.
- CHOIR:
- A group of people whose singing allows the rest of the congregation to
lip-sync.
- HOLY WATER:
- A liquid whose chemical formula is H2OLY.
- HYMN:
- A song of praise, usually sung in a key three octaves higher than that of
the congregation's range.
- RECESSIONAL HYMN:
- The last song at Mass, often sung a little more quietly, since most of the
people have already left.
- INCENSE:
- Holy Smoke!
- JESUITS:
- An order of priests known for their ability to found colleges with good
basketball teams.
- JONAH:
- The original "Jaws" story.
- JUSTICE:
- When kids have kids of their own.
- KYRIE ELIEISON:
- The only Greek words that most Catholics can recognize besides gyros and
baklava.
- MAGI:
- The most famous trio to attend a baby shower.
- MANGER:
- Where Mary gave birth to Jesus because Joseph wasn't covered by an
HMO.
- The Bible's way of showing us that holiday travel has always been
rough.
- PEW:
- A medieval torture device still found in Catholic Churches.
- PROCESSION:
- The ceremonial formation at the beginning of Mass, consisting of altar
servers, the celebrant, and late parishioners looking for seats.
- RECESSIONAL:
- The ceremonial procession at the conclusion of Mass - led by parishioners
trying to beat the crowd to the parking lot.
- RELICS:
- People who have been going to Mass for so long, they actually know when to
sit, kneel, and stand.
- TEN COMMANDMENTS:
- The most important Top Ten list not given by David Letterman.
- USHERS:
- The only people in the parish who don't know the seating capacity of a
pew.