Bubba Knows Everyone

There was a man named Bubba, and Bubba knew everyone in the entire world. Once, when Bubba got a new job, Bubba says to his new boss, "Boss, I know everyone in the whole world!" His boss doesn't believe him, so he says, "No, you do not know everyone in the whole world," but Bubba says, "Yes, I do!" so Bubba's boss says, "Well, prove it!" Bubba says, "Pick someone... and I know them!"

Well, Bubba's boss thinks for a minute and then comes up with a name. "Tom Selleck! I bet you don't know Tom Selleck!" Bubba says, "Tom Selleck! Tom and I were in Boy Scouts together when we were kids!" But Bubba's boss says, "No, you weren't!", but Bubba insists, "Yes we were!" So they fly to Hollywood and drive up to Tom Selleck's house. Bubba knocks on the door, Tom Selleck answers, and Bubba goes "Tom!!!" and Tom goes "Bubba!" and they hug and catch up for thirty minutes and Bubba's boss can't believe it. But then he thinks, "Well, that could happen; it's just one person," so he tells Bubba and Bubba says, "OK, pick somebody else!"

This time Bubba's boss has someone in mind! "The President, Bill Clinton! You don't know Bill Clinton!" But Bubba says, "Oh, yes I do! Bill and I were on debate team together in college!" Bubba's boss says, "No, you weren't!" and Bubba says, "Yes, we were!" So they fly to Washington, D.C., and they catch up with the President at a press conference. They work their way through the crowd until Bubba gets close enough to catch Clinton's eye and waves "Bill!" and the President waves "Bubba!" and after the press conference they hug and catch up for thirty minutes and Bubba's boss is stunned -- he can't believe it. But then he thinks, "Well, that's just two people in one country -- that doesn't mean he knows everyone in the whole world!" so he tells Bubba and Bubba says, "OK, pick someone from any other country in the world, and I know them!"

And Bubba's boss knows just who to pick, so he says, "The Pope! You do not know the Pope!" and Bubba says, "The Pope! The Pope BAPTIZED me!" and Bubba's boss says, "No, he didn't!" and Bubba says, "Yes, he did!" So they fly to Rome where the Pope is giving Mass in front of hundreds of thousands of people. They work their way through the crowd -- without much luck -- so Bubba says, "Boss, we're never gonna get there together through all these people, so I'll tell you what -- I'll work my way up there, and when I do, I'll give you a sign that shows you I know the Pope!" and he leaves. Well, Bubba's boss waits and waits and waits, and just when he's about to give up, he sees the Pope come out onto the balcony, and right there beside him is Bubba!

Shortly afterwards, Bubba comes back and finds his boss passed out! Bubba fans him and says, "Boss! Boss! Wake up!" and when his boss comes to, Bubba asks, "Boss, what happened?" Bubba's boss looks at Bubba and says, "OK, I can see Tom Selleck. I can see Bill Clinton... Heck, I can even take the Pope! But then somebody standing next to me asks, 'Who's that up there with Bubba?'"