British jokes

Newsgroups: rec.humor.funny From: Sharon.Curtis@comlab.ox.ac.uk (Sharon Curtis) Subject: The sixteen-forty-seven train from Paddington has been cancelled... Date: Mon, 10 Nov 97 19:30:03 EST URL: http://www.netfunny.com/rhf/jokes/97/Nov/excuses.html

Until recently, British Rail was probably the holder of the most stupid excuses for train cancellations or delays, with ones like these, which are now well-known throughout the UK:

"leaves on the line"
"the wrong kind of snow"

and more recently, a lesser known one about

"a cow on the line"

But today, on the travel news, a company has really excelled itself. The reason for delays?

"a tree had fallen on the track"

This doesn't really sound very remarkable, until you realise that the company in question is London Underground.

Newsgroups: rec.humor.funny.reruns Subject: Australia From: sater@cs.vu.nl (Hans van Staveren) Date: Thu, 17 Sep 1998 7:20:00 PDT URL: http://www.netfunny.com/rhf/jokes/89q1/aus.270.html

Some years ago an Englishman on a plane to Australia was handed one of these cards to fill in, in normal Commonwealth style. After the standard ones, like name, nationality, passport number, etc., he got to one that asked:

"Have you ever been imprisoned?"

After thinking about that for some time he entered:

"I didn't know it was still a requirement."

Hans van Staveren, Vrije Universiteit, Amsterdam, Holland

Newsgroups: rec.humor.funny From: kht@mactao.demon.nl (MacEddie) Subject: jotd: Studying in England Date: Tue, 4 May 1999 19:30:01 PDT URL: http://www.netfunny.com/rhf/jokes/99/May/noisy.html

Donald MacDonald from the Isle of Skye went to study at an English university and was living in the hall of residence with all the other students there. After he had been there a month, his mother came to visit him.

"And how do you find the English students, Donald?" she asked.

"Mother," he replied, "they're such terrible, noisy people. The one on that side keeps banging his head on the wall and won't stop. The one on the other side screams and screams all night."

"Oh Donald! How do you manage to put up with these awful noisy English neighbors?"

"Mother, I do nothing. I just ignore them. I just stay here quietly, playing my bagpipes."